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What do the lonely do at Christmas 

What do the lonely do at Christmas???

If you live in New Orleans or visiting you are sure to feel the holiday spirit flowing throughout the city in addition to the mesmerizing spirit of New Orleans. The air alone will suffocate the feeling of loneliness as it wraps you up into the heart of the city. No matter your faith, you are sure to get caught up in the spirit and take your off feeling lonely.

Let me correct that; you’re not Lonely, you’re Single. Singleness is a time to do you, love You, and make time for all things you. If you view it this way, you are sure to have a wonderful Christmas and fabulous New Year!

If you have an empty nest, New Orleans is jammed packed full of holiday events and activities that are sure to keep you busy each day of the week. Shop local, attend a holiday party, and network to meet new exciting people. Treat yourself to New Orleans Traditional Revellion Dinner or Holiday Brunch at a fancy restaurant. Most are offering exclusive, so make sure to look for deals before you dine. If you’re in the praising mood, visit a new church or check out the free annual Holiday Concert at St. Louis Cathedral featuring outstanding New Orleans bands, singers, and church choirs in jazz, classical, gospel, and pop genres.

Volunteer for a Toy Drive or start one of your own in your community. Shopping always cures my blues, be it the holidays or not. Buy a few gifts and give them to a child or family you have bonded within your neighborhood.

If you’re as lucky as me to live in an Old School, New Orleans Neighborhood where your neighbors are your family and all you have to do is sit on your porch to have company, beautiful! If not, start sitting on your porch; or walk over and start up a conversation with someone who is sitting outside. Your actions will be sure to create a meaningful relationship and daily companionship. If you’re shy, there’s the gift of social media where you can see your family and friends with the click of a button with video chatting. I highly recommend that you use it!! There’s also “Nextdoor,” a social networking service for neighborhoods. Neighbors share news and events in the community, such as meet and greets. I found it very resourceful and have engaged with people in my neighborhood I never would have met.

We tend to focus on not having a relationship during the holidays, but there’s so much more than having an intimate relationship or partner. If there is a relationship that defines Christmas or any holiday outside of your Birthday, the holidays are meant for bonding with family and friends. We drive ourselves nuts to create the perfect day for everyone else and not ourselves. As if we aren’t worth celebrating ourselves except on the day of our birth. If you’re like me, I know it’s hard to put yourself before others, but we are so deserving of everything that we offer others. I believe this is why we feel lonely because we are continually doing and searching to fill a void within us.

Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the feeling of warm hands being wrapped around my body. I especially miss talking on the phone and passionate lovemaking. I miss being with a man, being the other half in a relationship, and being married. But unlike the magical feeling that we experience in New Orleans, the feelings seem to disappaite in the air. Lonely isn’t just in the physical sense, you can be lonely and be in a relationship. It’s as if I was living in fantasy with certain men. I created a perfect dream relationship, awaking to the feeling of loneliness while he lays next to me on Christmas morning. It’s an awful feeling, and not even the best actress can play the part of the happy couple.

I decided some years ago that I could not perform for others just for the sake of appearing happy at gettogether. I could no longer endure emotional, physical, and/or physical pain just to have a man for Christmas or any holiday or event.

I wonder why we put to much focus on being a relationship, having a partner, especially around this time of the year? What is about having a partner that makes one all crazy for love and to be loved? Is it Loneliness? It can’t be that, because of many of us. You have family and friends. But most importantly, you have you.

I get companionship, but all this fairytale BS about what love is needs to stop. Why Can’t We be our fairytale ending while we are in our state of singleness? What’s so bad about being single that has us barricaded up in our bedrooms with ice cream and Netflix streaming?

Instead of crying ver being lonely, do some work on you, especially with your feelings of loneliness. I found that developing a relationship with a couple who have been together for 10 to 20 years and observe them and ask them how they made their relationship work so long. It’s sort of like having a Relationship Mentor and Role Models. Had I made this connection before I married the first time, I would have found that I should not have accepted the proposal. It wasn’t love, but the desire to be loved and have this beautiful wedding. My second husband would be the one to make me realize that he was just a body I needed for wedding pictures. I didn’t want to be married I wanted a fairytale just like in the stories where all we know at the end is that they lived “Happily Ever After,” but I wasn’t concerned about after with either marriage. I would learn that having a partner takes work and dedication, a wedding is not a relationship.

As Iyalna Vanzant says, “In The Meantime,” in the meantime, I found a feeling of peace with having male friends, one more special than the other in certain aspects. I found myself content with their companionship as I await Mr.Right to come along. That’s right “come along” and ease on down the road because I learned from searching for him. And When he comes, he will add to all the love and joy I have for myself and those in my world and not only to cure my Christmas Time Loneliness.

I hope that in sharing a little bit about myself with the help, you find the Joy that comes with being Single.

Be Happy and have a beautiful Holiday regardless of your relationship status and enjoy your life!

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A native of New Orleans, who left her beloved New Orleans to spend twenty years of living in the land of Minnesota Not So Nice. Minnesota was full of opportunities but would learn that the soul of the state and the people who made it was just as icy cold as the temperatures. After the years and my 40th birthday flew by, I decided it was time to pack up my youngest child and come back to my roots, my birthplace the city that not only birthed me but gave me life. I would not be who I am without my New Orleans beginnings. I am all things that would challenge the belief of growing up in New Orleans. I was a 16yr old teen mother of a premature baby born with a severe medical disability. And only With the help of my mother, was it possible for me to BE! I was able to endure and survive the obstacles laid before my child and me. In a city that was built by my family, but did not allow for us to reap the benefits I overcame. Charity Hospital was my second home — a building filled with miracle workers who made it possible for my daughter to have life. I have lived a life of rainy days with peeks of sunshine, that are my children, including those not of my womb. I'm the proud mother of three and a grandmother of three. My dream was to live the life of the nursery rhyme of ”The Old Lady Who lived in a shoe,” and for the most part, I did. I cared for several children over the years as a special needs foster parent. I would learn that my love was not enough for some children, but I loved them through their pain. I'm not sure if I ever had a case of true love or came close to what love looks like on television, but I had my share of men and the mirage of love. I survived two abusive marriages. Though I longed to return to New Orleans on a daily bases, I must admit my move was one of the best decisions made for me. I am a college graduate; I was a successful entrepreneur. I coowned a soul food restaurant and catering company in Minnesota for 12 years. I developed the talent of creating custom cakes after the murder of my beloved cousin Melvin Paul. He survived Katrina only to go to Minneapolis six months later to be murdered over a parking spot dispute. But with the challenge of creating a simple wedding cake, I was able to find healing. I created the House of Cakes in honor of him. Minnesota life had me pretty materialistic. I worked to the point I do not remember much, but work and handing my children love money. I thought by having the big house on the hill, a husband, having a family, the ultimate provider and being involved in all things that matter, plus having the funds to match would cure me of what I was told was a generational curse of lack of everything from money, love to even self-love. But for the most part, that life poisoned my heart and soul. I was blinded by visions fed to me by the media. I was told I wasn't anything unless I was better than the Jones's. I lived being ok with a broken, bleeding heart. Life like this did not exist in my family while living in New Orleans from what I viewed with my eyes and soul. We may not have had all the things I acquired over the years, but we were happy, we were together. Family outside of New Orleans wasn't family anymore. We lived separate lives and had awkward moments when we bumped into each other in public. I hated living in Minnesota even though life their helped me in so many ways. I felt deep down the only way to repair it was to get back to my roots, my soul, my home, myself, my New Orleans. I'm here, and I love it. Even being in the so-called Blighted Area of New Orleans and not having all the financial and material security, I'm happy. I am determined that She, yes, New Orleans is a woman is just like me; together, we will overcome and will rise from all that tried to kill our spirit. Nothing like starting from the bottom and making your way back up!. I just know in my heart that New Orleans will provide for me. There's a bank account with funds in it owed to me by way of back pay for my ancestors. And I will receive my inheritance, and I will continue the traditions and customs of the old to keep the heartbeat of New Orleans beating. I'm down in the boot, living the life that feels right to me awaiting my destiny...

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