I’m unafraid to remove the veil
but if I remove it or speak while I’m hurting
my realness may scar you
and I wouldn’t want my loves to feel as I 💔
My Transparency and My Love for others feel like a curse at moments like these… As I look back over all the years of pain that is living within the depths of my soul, I sometimes question “Will I ever have a moment to birth out this so-called great purpose for what I’m destined to fulfill?”
If I’m not in pain from the labor of life, I’m in pain from the knives in my back pushed in so it has pierced my heart and I somehow manage to live with a faint heartbeat while I close my eyes to embrace my love and willing take the next puncture to my back. I’m holding on to their body so tight, rubbing and patting them on the back, softly whispering it’s ok as they find a place to stab me ever so gently in the back. I let out a sigh as they swiftly walk away and shout “I’ll be here whenever you need me!”
Then there are the days I self medicate in an effort to pretreat the pain of loving unconditional. I convince myself that my love is not a vampire as I feel their sharp teeth sink into my neck sucking the blood from my body. After their done I run to the mirror, giggling at what I envision is a passion mark that was left by my love. So numb and unaware of not only their teeth mark but my pale clammy skin that lays lifeless on the cold tile floor…My unconditional love, not for self is what revived me…
But as I said I’m unafraid to remove the veil and speak what I see and feel. I can no longer live like this and I have decided it’s time to remove the vail.