The veil that I wear

I’m unafraid to remove the veil

but if I remove it or speak while I’m hurting

my realness may scar you

and I wouldn’t want my loves to feel as I  💔

My Transparency and My Love for others feel like a curse at moments like these… As I look back over all the years of pain that is living within the depths of my soul, I sometimes question “Will I ever have a moment to birth out this so-called great purpose for what I’m destined to fulfill?

If I’m not in pain from the labor of life, I’m in pain from the knives in my back pushed in so it has pierced my heart and I somehow manage to live with a faint heartbeat while I close my eyes to embrace my love and willing take the next puncture to my back. I’m holding on to their body so tight, rubbing and patting them on the back, softly whispering it’s ok as they find a place to stab me ever so gently in the back. I let out a sigh as they swiftly walk away  and shout “I’ll be here whenever you need me!”

Then there are the days I self medicate in an effort to pretreat the pain of loving unconditional. I convince myself that my love is not a vampire as I feel their sharp teeth sink into my neck sucking the blood from my body. After their done I run to the mirror, giggling at what I envision is a passion mark that was left by my love. So numb and unaware of not only their teeth mark but my pale clammy skin that lays lifeless on the cold tile floor…My unconditional love, not for self is what revived me…

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But as I said I’m unafraid to remove the veil and speak what I see and feel. I  can no longer live like this and I have decided it’s time to remove the vail.

Wilhelm Heinrich Otto Dix (German. Wilhelm Heinrich Otto Dix [ˈvɪlhɛlm ˈhaɪnʀiç ˈɔto ˈdɪks]; December 2, 1891, Gera, Thuringia — July 25, 1969, Singen, Baden) is a German painter and printmaker.
Pronounced avant-garde in the 1920-ies was associated with Dadaism and expressionism. Along with George Grosso, a representative of the so-called «new objectivity».
The paintings of Dix distinguish social and pacifist motives, understanding of human values.
Otto Dix is one of the founders of the Association of artists called the Dresden secession, which appeared in Dresden in 1919.
In the last months of the Second world war, Otto Dix was called up for military service in the ranks of the Volkssturm. At the end of the war, Dix was captured by French troops, and in February 1946 released.

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