What do the lonely do at Christmas 

If you live in New Orleans or visiting, you are sure to feel the holiday spirit flowing throughout the city in addition to the mesmerizing spirit of New Orleans. The air alone will suffocate the feeling of loneliness as it wraps you up into the heart of the city. No matter your faith, you are sure to get caught up in the spirit and take your off feeling lonely.

Let me correct that; you’re not Lonely. You’re Single. Singleness is a time to do you, love You, and make time for all things you. If you view it this way, you are sure to have a wonderful Christmas and fabulous New Year!

If you have an empty nest, New Orleans is jammed packed full of holiday events and activities that are sure to keep you busy each day of the week.

• Shop local, attend a holiday party, and network to meet new exciting people.
• Treat yourself to New Orleans Traditional Revellion Dinner or Holiday Brunch at a fancy restaurant. Most restaurants are offering exclusive dining, so make sure to look for deals before you dine.
• If you’re in the praising mood, visit a new church or check out the free annual Holiday Concert at St. Louis Cathedral featuring outstanding New Orleans church choirs, bands, and singers in jazz, classical, gospel genres.
• Volunteer for a Toy Drive or start one of your own in your community.
• Shopping always cures my blues, be it the holidays or not. Buy a few gifts and give them to a child or family you have bonded with within your neighborhood.

If you’re as lucky as me to live in an Old School, New Orleans Neighborhood where your neighbors are your family and all you have to do is sit on your porch to have company, beautiful! If not, start sitting on your porch, walk over, and start up a conversation with someone sitting outside. Your actions will be sure to create a meaningful relationship and daily companionship.

If you’re shy, there’s the gift of social media where you can see your family and friends with the click of a button with video chatting. I highly recommend that you use it!! There’s also “Nextdoor,” a social networking service for neighborhoods. Neighbors share news and events in the community, such as meet and greets. I found it very resourceful and have engaged with people in my neighborhood I never would have met.

We tend to focus on not having a relationship during the holidays, but there’s so much more than having an intimate relationship or partner. If there is a relationship that defines Christmas or any holiday outside of your Birthday, the holidays are meant for bonding with family and friends. We drive ourselves nuts to create the perfect day for everyone else and not ourselves. As if we aren’t worth celebrating ourselves except on the day of our birth. If you’re like me, I know it’s hard to put yourself before others, but we are so deserving of everything we offer others. This is why we feel lonely because we are continually doing and searching to fill a void within us.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the feeling of warm hands being wrapped around my body. I especially miss talking on the phone and passionate lovemaking. I miss being with a man, being the other half in a relationship, and being married. But unlike the magical feeling that we experience in New Orleans, the feelings seem to dissipate in the air. Lonely isn’t just in the physical sense. You can be lonely and be in a relationship. It’s as if I was living in fantasy with certain men. I created a perfect dream relationship, waking to the feeling of loneliness while he lays next to me on Christmas morning. It’s an awful feeling, and not even the best actress can play the part of the happy couple.

I wonder why we put so much focus on being in a relationship, having a partner, especially around this time of the year? What is about having a partner that makes one all crazy for love and to be loved? Is it Loneliness? It can’t be that, because of many of us. You have family and friends. But most importantly, you have you.

I decided some years ago that I could not perform for others just to appear happy at gettogether. I could no longer endure emotional, physical, and/or physical pain just to have a man for Christmas or any holiday or event.

I get companionship, but all this fairytale BS about what love is needs to stop. Why Can’t We be our fairytale ending while we are in our state of singleness? What’s so bad about being single that has us barricaded up in our bedrooms with ice cream and Netflix streaming?

Instead of crying ver being lonely, do some work on yourself, especially with your feelings of loneliness. I found that developing a relationship with a couple who have been together for 10 to 20 years and observe them and ask them how they made their relationship work so long. It’s sort of like having a Relationship Mentor and Role Models. Had I made this connection before I married the first time, I would have found that I should not have accepted the proposal. It wasn’t “love,” but the desire to be loved and have this beautiful wedding. My second husband would be the one to make me realize that he was just a body I needed for wedding pictures. I didn’t want to be married; I wanted a fairytale just like in the stories where all we know at the end is that they lived “Happily Ever After,” but I wasn’t concerned about after with either marriage. I would learn that having a partner takes work and dedication. A wedding is not a relationship.

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As Iyalna Vanzant says, “In The Meantime,” in the meantime, I found a feeling of peace with having male friends, one more special than the other in certain aspects. I found myself content with their companionship as I await Mr.Right to come along. That’s right, “come along” and ease on down the road because I learned from searching for him. And When he comes, he will add to all the love and joy I have for myself and those in my world and not only to cure my Christmas Time Loneliness.

I hope that in sharing a little bit about myself with the help, you find the Joy that comes with being Single.

Be Happy and have a beautiful Holiday regardless of your relationship status, and enjoy your life!