What do the lonely do at Christmas 

What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?

“’Tis the season to be jolly, but how can I be when I have nobody?” Those lyrics always seem to hit harder this time of year, don’t they? The lights are brighter, the music is louder, and the world is bustling with joy, but for some of us, it feels like the spotlight just shines on what we don’t have. Whether it’s being estranged from family, being single, or dealing with the quiet weight of mental illness, the holidays can make the loneliness feel like it’s wrapped around you tighter than any Christmas bow.

I’ve been there. And truth be told, for some years, I’ve been there. But I’ve learned that the holidays don’t have to be a season of sadness. We can rewrite what this time means for us. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible—and it starts with being real about where we are and what we feel.

Estranged from Family: A Different Kind of Silence

“A silent night, I know it’s gonna be.”

Not every family gathers around the table in matching pajamas, and not every childhood memory feels like a Hallmark card. For some, distance, whether physical or emotional, creates an emptiness that no gift under the tree can fill. Estrangement isn’t talked about enough—it carries shame, guilt, and sometimes relief all tangled up in one.

If that’s your reality, let me tell you this: you don’t owe anyone a performance. It’s okay to grieve what could have been. But don’t let that grief rob you of the love and connections you can build elsewhere. Found family is just as valid as the one you’re born into. Reach out to people who make you feel seen and safe. It’s not the number of people at your table; it’s the quality of the company you keep.

Single for the Holidays: Reclaiming Joy

“Joy to the world, but it’s gonna be sad for me.”

If you’re single during the holidays, the world has a way of making you feel like you’re missing out. The movies, the commercials, the couples ice-skating hand in hand—it’s like a constant reminder that you’re “alone.” But here’s what I’ve learned: being single doesn’t mean you’re lacking. It’s a time to pour love into yourself.

One Christmas, I treated myself to dinner at a fancy restaurant. No date, no distractions—just me. I wore my favorite dress, ordered dessert first, and toasted to my own company. And you know what? It was beautiful. If singleness is your reality right now, flip the script. Decorate for yourself, cook your favorite meal, and celebrate the love you have for yourself. You don’t need a partner to make the holidays magical—you are magic all on your own.

Mental Illness and the Holidays: Giving Yourself Grace

“What do the lonely do at Christmas time?”

If you’ve ever struggled with mental health, you know how hard this season can hit. Depression doesn’t take a holiday break. Anxiety doesn’t care about tinsel and twinkling lights. And the pressure to be “merry” can feel like a weight pressing on your chest. I know that feeling. The one where even getting out of bed feels like a battle.

Here’s what I want you to know: It’s okay to feel what you feel. You don’t have to force joy. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit that you’re not okay. Call a friend, a therapist, or even a hotline if you need to. Take small steps—light a candle, listen to your favorite song, or go for a short walk. Little moments of peace add up. Be gentle with yourself, and remember, this season is just a moment in time. It doesn’t define you.

Building Connections in Unexpected Places

“Knowing that we won’t be together doesn’t make it better.”

Loneliness has a way of making the world feel smaller, but a connection can be found in the most unexpected places. A smile from a stranger, a conversation with a neighbor, or even a virtual meetup can remind you that you’re not alone. One year, I started volunteering at a toy drive. Seeing the joy on children’s faces didn’t erase my loneliness, but it softened it. Acts of kindness have a way of doing that—they fill spaces you didn’t even know were empty.

If getting out feels too hard, there’s always social media. I know, I know—it can be a mixed bag, but it also opens doors. Apps like “Nextdoor” can connect you with local events, and video calls let you see loved ones even when they’re miles away. Small connections matter. They remind us that loneliness isn’t a permanent state—it’s just a moment.

Rewriting the Holidays: Your Way

“Why can’t we be our own fairytale ending?”

The holidays don’t have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting to be meaningful. They can be whatever you need them to be. One year, I skipped the traditions that didn’t feel right and created my own. I sat on my porch, drank hot cocoa, and journaled about all the things I was grateful for. It wasn’t flashy or picture-perfect, but it was mine—and it was enough.

Give yourself permission to let go of expectations. If you want to stay in bed and watch movies, do it. If you want to dress up and hit every event in the city, go for it. There’s no “right” way to celebrate. The holidays are yours to shape.

Moving Forward: A Gift to Yourself

“What do the lonely do at Christmas?” They learn. They grow. They find joy in their own company.

The holidays can be a mirror, reflecting back on what we feel we’re missing. But they can also be a blank canvas, ready for us to paint our own picture. This year, give yourself the gift of grace. Allow yourself to feel the hard stuff, but don’t forget to embrace the small joys. You are enough—just as you are.

So, light those candles, put on your favorite song, and toast to the most important person in your life: you. Because at the end of the day, the love you give yourself is the one that will carry you through every season.

Have a beautiful holiday—just as you are. ❤️