Posted by I’m really on one this morning, overwhelmed with thankfulness and gratitude. I wanted to take this time to publicly tell My Mama, Jean Hollins thank you for loving to the point she put her dreams and desires on the back, burning for me to achieve mines.
She did so even though I was a defiant boy crazy teenager. I wasn’t so much of a bad child. Actually, I was highly intelligent. Elementary through high school, I was in gifted classes, that is until I dropped out. I was what the old folks called a “Hot in the ass, fast tail Lil Girl” who was “smelling myself.” To this day, I do not understand what “smelling myself” means in the sexual context, but I was the typical teen girl whose’s hormones were out of control. Years later, I would find out that my need to have a boyfriend stemmed from “Daddy Issues.”
My need for a boyfriend would result in me becoming a mother at 16 years old. Everyone except my Mama and grandmother put me down and doomed me to a life of hell on earth. Family members tried to convince my mother to have me abort my unborn child, send me out of town to a place that prearranged adoptions or I was to get married, and it didn’t have to be my child’s father… Thankfully, she didn’t bend.
Through it all, she has been there for me. I’m reminded of the poem “Footsteps in the sand” when I think of how she has always been there for me. My Mama is the only constant in my life. I do not need to physically feel her hold my hand to know that she has it.
There have been times when I feel like I haven’t done enough for all my Mother sacrificed for me, but while I still have life, I will continue to live be a vessel of purpose in honor of her. I have been blessed to show my Mama how much I truly appreciate her with gifts of flowers, vacations, and jewelry but her sacrifice for me is priceless. Words aren’t enough, but I hope over the years, my actions were able to express how thankful I am to have her as a Mother and Friend.
I’m eternally grateful for her love, support, and encouragement that continues to push me towards my goals and dreams.
