I’m lost in my eyes

I find myself getting lost in my own eyes, looking for them to tell me it’s ok to crack the 🤬 up, but I see something telling me to continue on the path I am on. I see something reminding me of my Momo telling me “Dee you have favor” Mel telling me “I think you are Big Money Dee, you gonna make it happen” and Shana telling “Go, Dee just Go” Its taking everything in me to see what they saw in me, cuz I just don’t know how to go on, feel motivated. I do not see NOLA Chic and I barely see Dee, all I see is pain and I feel it in my heart and soul even more ..