We like each other, but this COVID-19 Lockdown has invited Cupid into our midst. We’ve been special friends for almost five years now and have the most challenging time resisting each other. We’re not at the level of granting him a key to my place, but he doesn’t knock anymore. Instead, he calls when he is near for me to unlock the door, and I do so without hesitation. I wondered who in the hell leaves their door unlocked in New Orleans at this time of night; Me. And when his tall frame enters my doorway, I get butterflies. He’s not my boyfriend, and we’re not sex buddies, but somewhere in between is what defines what we have. Maybe we are in an “Entanglement,” as Jada Pinkett describes it… And for the most part, I’m content with what we have.
I have been able to get my “Feelings” in check over the years. I sometimes dated other men, but he remains the only person I’ve touched in the past three years. I enjoy being single and not being responsible for taking care of a man daily, but the accountability that comes with protecting ourselves from Coronvirus has changed the game. The Pandemic has made us put precautions in place that have us tethering on what looks and feels like a committed relationship – or at the very least, boyfriend and girlfriend.
It is advised that as a single [person] who desires physical and/or sexual contact, you choose one other person with whom to have physical and/or sexual contact, on the condition that neither you nor they display coronavirus symptoms. Before Coronavirus, we have been explicit with no strings attached, and there were rules in place about the use of practicing safe sex. Still, now we have to tell each other if we were to go on a date with someone– a level of openness that very few share even in a committed relationship, and here we are entangled.
Yes, I’m all types of confused, lol.
This year, 2020, didn’t start out well for our friendship, but it seems to be the case for most of our relationships, including the one with ourselves. I actually thought it was finally over for us as we entered the first day of the year arguing, and it was the worst one ever. However, we were back speaking by February, and every visit since the Pandemic has brought us closer. We went from Low Key Entangled to finding Love during Lockdown. I have never been very ambitious as far as sex, and I must admit he is my Ying to my Yang. Our sex life is mindblowing, well, it always has been, but maybe the persona of a relationship has intensified it. There’s no need for a babysitter or praying the neighbors don’t hear our passionate moans. It was, and it is freeing. I’m unsure if the facade of being in a relationship, but just talking to him turns me on.
I read that COVID-19 has affected so many parts of our lives—even our sex life, and if that’s true. My sex craving is at an all-time high, but I am forty-five. It’s said that women my age are at their sexual peak. I want to give in to the Love Spell influenced by this deadly disease, and thinking of it makes me like him even more. We have grown closer and became constant support during this challenging time. And it makes me wonder if true love can blossom during a pandemic?
Sexual pleasure isn’t the only thing that has blown my mind with this man; being with him releases a good dose of dopamine and oxytocin. An emotional orgasm is what I’ll call it. I feel good about him! He is the only man that welcomed my natural self, and I mean that literally.
One day he arrived earlier than planned, and I was just getting out of the shower (this was one day the door was locked) as he rang to tell me he was outside. I told him he would have to sit in the car until I was ready, but he refused. I threw on a sweatsuit, wrapped my wet kinky hair in a towel, and put not a lick of makeup on as I let him in. He immediately sensed I was feeling insecure and asked what was wrong. With my back to him, I told him I felt uncomfortable and that he would have to entertain himself while I finished my Date Night Routine. He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and i put my face into his chest, and he grabbed my chin so that I was looking him in the face. He told me he liked me just the way I was and that there was no need to put anything on my body or face. Oh no, I need my coconut oil for my skin, and he said let me see. His hands went up the back of my sweatshirt, followed by slipping them alongside my hips, and as if he performed a magic trick, I stood in the middle of my living room in my birthday suit. We wouldn’t go anywhere that night but lay in bed, talk, and watch cartoons until we fell asleep.
I never felt anything close to being the apple of my Daddy’s eyes until I met him. I must admit that it feels incredible to be viewed and accepted as beautiful in my natural state. Not that I needed a man to validate me on any level, but being with a man who sees beauty past the flaws I see is a beautiful feeling.
The Lockdown would unlock more moments like this, but I wonder what will happen to our Coronvirus Relationship? After all these years, we do love each other, but we both agreed that it wasn’t an “In Love” love, but now that I’m experiencing feelings that I have never shared with any man and I question how to handle them. There are days I hype myself up to tell him, but I worry it will destroy what we have. I know he has this same stirring going on, but he will not give all the way in, so I continue to bask in the light of “Our Now Moments.” We have spoken of the possibility of giving what we have some sort of title, had talks and arguments about what others view of us, and we had short bouts of what would be called a breakup for others but pulling back for us. He attempted to pull back after professing all that he was not to me after catching himself falling down the road of love. After a few days of fussing via text, yes, text, we have never had a verbal confrontation, nor have I ever heard this man raise his voice (Who does that? We do.). But our recent break was short, possibly because of the Lockdown and the need to stay safe now before Coronvirus… As I said, I have dated over the years, but he has always been the highlight of my love life. Unfortunately, per the rules of Coronavirus, dating is obsolete now. Is it best for you to enjoy the one you’re with or what? Try your luck at virtual dating or enjoy single life until all the restrictions are lifted.
Honestly, it feels really, really good to have him play the role of my main man. Without the Lockdown, I do not believe we would have arrived at this point, well, not now anyway. I had two very traumatizing marriages, a betrayal by my best friend-lover, and gave up on love, and he was married to his grade school love together for more than half his life. We were committed to getting to know and loving ourselves at this stage. The arrows of love have pierced our hearts as we lay drunken off our NOLA Love Potion. So where does that leave us, take us? Should I be praying that as the world becomes immune to this horrible virus doesn’t kill the vibe that has formed between us? I can not go on without his tantalizing touch, our stimulating conversations, or how I feel when I see his face. I became dependent on his companionship, fun-filled dates that always ended with a hot, passionate sex night.
Will things go back to normal? I most certainly hope not, because I have not one clue of what was our normal anyways? There certainly is a void, and I suspect my attempt to fill it will leave me feeling empty. I would have to jump back into the dating game as if I had never left? At this moment, I have lost all interest in other men, and he is on my mind, but what will happen when he’s not around? When the bounds of Lockdown are removed, what will happen to Us? A “US” that only existed because of this terrible plague.
Will our Entanglement finally Untangle, or will this start a new beginning to true love?