date with someone– a level of openness that very few share even in a committed relationship, and here we are entangled. Yes, I’m confused, but let me tell you, he’s not. He knows exactly what we are and will not ever be.
We had talks and arguments about what we were and whatnot. As he states, our current situation is due to my past actions or lack thereof. We had short bouts of what would be called a breakup for others but pulling back for us. He attempted to pull back after professing all that he was not to me after catching me slipping down the road of love. We finally had an explosive verbal confrontation over me not accepting my consequences and my audacity in believing I could still have the happily ever after we planned years ago. I have never heard this man raise his voice to this degree, and I hope I never do again. We certainly will not be one of those couples forced together by pregnancy, Covid, or the plague of love.
It felt good to have him as my leading man for the past months. But, without the Lockdown, I do not believe we would have arrived at this point, well, not now, anyway. So where does that leave us, take us? I’m thinking pretty soon, the love of my life will exit stage left, leaving me to wallow in a lake of tears of regret. He will take on another lover or, worst, a girlfriend who will live out the life I dreamed of for us. I can not imagine how I will go on without his tantalizing touch, stimulating conversations, and seeing his face, but over the years, I have managed to put the reality o him on the back burner. So, it should seem pretty easy to accept and let go, but I knew he was always coming back. Now I rely on his companionship and fun-filled dates that always end with a hot, passionate sex night. And knowing our fate weighs on my heart and the finality of that is more than I want to bear.
I read that COVID-19 has affected so many parts of our lives—even our sex life, and if that’s true, my sex craving is at an all-time high, but I am forty-five. I want to give in to the Love Spell influenced by this deadly disease, and thinking of it makes me like him even more. I have never been very ambitious about sex, and I must admit he is my Ying to my Yang. Our sex life is mindblowing, it always has been, but talking to him turns me on just as much.
Will things go back to normal? What was our normal anyway? There certainly is a void, and I suspect my attempt to fill it will leave me feeling lost without him. I will have to jump back into the dating game as if I had never left. And At this moment, I have lost all interest in other men, and he is always on my mind. What a girl to do when he’s not around?
Lockdowns are removed, and nothing holds us together, not even love anymore. So what will happen to Us? That is, if a “US” existed, and if it did, it was only because of this terrible plague of loneliness and decades of knowing each other.
Is this the beginning of the end of our Entanglement, or will our decades-old issues Untangle, allowing us to start anew?